Sitting down to write this I can hardly believe that the last posting was only a week ago. I remember feeling on tenterhooks every time I took Lola's temperature... just hoping against hope that it wouldn't start the inevitable climb. I had booked to visit Joe in Italy from Friday until Sunday, a fleeting visit, but really important for me to just briefly be a part of the world I share virtually through Skype. I'd carefully timed the flights for the weekend immediately preceding chemotherapy, knowing through experience (already!) that Lola was most likely to be at her very best at that point.

The girls were due to be at Martin's all weekend and Amazing Aunty Sarah came from Hertford for the day on Friday to look after Lola and collect Nancy and Greta from school. She truly was a star, hospital for blood tests in the morning, going off to assembly in the afternoon. Having had the most immense headache for two days, it miraculously lifted when I saw how pleased the girls were to see Sarah and how they could hardly wait to pack me out of the door so that the fun could begin. Sarah, you are truly a star.... thank you!

Despite experiencing far too many emotions in one go... anxiety, guilt, nervousness and excitement, to name just a few!!...I had a really fantastic time. I'm not sure I could have been more pampered ....delicious food, especially mozzarella di buffalo, the infamous aubergine pasta and pistachio ice cream (mmmm!!), lots of good red wine and coffee, walks, waterfalls, new friends and sleep .... ooohh, ummm, hang on... there WAS a rugby match..!! Actually, I am humble enough to admit I even enjoyed that, but perhaps it was the wine? Thank you , Joe xx

Last weekend, though over far too quickly, has restored my energy, my patience and my optimism for the future. I couldn't wait to see the girls on Sunday night. I can see, having stepped away just for a moment, that I had become almost automaton in the way I approached each day. Although, coming home, everything feels very raw and real again, I am really glad I had that chance to reflect. It is all too easy to live everyday determined by the cancer and treatment. I really want to concentrate on the girls and I continuing to grow, to keep on experiencing and living, in spite of the cancer not through it. We are making plans, talking about the future and trying to enjoy every day.